As I write this, I am concluding a few weeks of paternity leave, after the birth of our second child. The leave has allowed me to focus almost exclusively on my family for the past month, for which I am grateful.
I believe strongly that paid family leave is a necessary part of professional ministry, allowing ministers to focus on their families immediately after a birth, adoption, death, or during a loved one's serious illness. The demands of ministry sometimes compete with family time, and too often ministers feel pressure to choose one or the other. Family leave not only supports ministers during challenging times, but also reminds congregations that being an active part of a family is an essential part of the minister's vocation too.
Frankly, I think we create unhealthy expectations throughout the church for ministers and other leaders. They have to show up in specific situations, regardless of time of day or how much else is on their plate. I think that is a human expectation, not God's expectation (as should be clear in the teaching of sabbath). No one can be everywhere and meet every expectation, and we shouldn't pretend that they can or that they should try. Instead, we need to model healthier ways to lead and participate in the church, which includes being honest about when some of our loved ones have valid demands on our time.
That said, leave can be a challenge in any small to medium-sized congregation, raising a host of financial and practical issues that need to be faced. If a congregation has previous experience with leaves, then the planning will not be challenging; in fact, the issue may even be covered as part of an employment agreement. If not, or if there has been a negative experience with leaves, it can become a thornier issue.
In my case, I broached the subject with our congregational board shortly after I was married. It was part of a larger conversation that also included planning for a sabbatical, which was part of my initial contract, but whose details needed to be defined. Given our good relationships and the trust that had been built through my first years of service, we arrived at plans for both paternity leave and sabbatical quickly and easily.
The discussion was helped by a denominational document encouraging congregations to offer up to three months of paid family leave. This provided a supporting document to show that congregations and church ministries were offering leave to both mothers and fathers, beyond the anecdotal examples I could provide.
In my congregation, the shortest part of the discussion was the length of the leave -- my initial proposal was quickly accepted. Mostly, we focused on identifying key parts of my ministry that would be covered by others during my leave and planned on how they would be covered. And we discussed my family's needs and the boundaries we would observe during the leave.
Some of this is touchy. How do you tell people you love that you don't want to hear from them or see them during an exciting time in your life? On the other hand, how can you have a break if there are lots of phone calls, emails, and text messages to return? In our case, we simply said that communication between the congregation and me would be via the elder co-chairs or board chair. I would share the important events in our life, and I would hear any important congregational news too. (This time, that included an emergency surgery and two deaths.)
In the age of Facebook, the boundaries aren't that firm anyway. I still occasionally posted updates, including pictures, and I sometimes saw church members statuses. I prayed for the congregation as a whole and for the needs I knew; I'm sure that the congregation prayed for me and for my family. And we even attended a worship service one Sunday morning.
Otherwise, I have trusted our elders, our officers, our other leaders, and the retired minister who is leading worship on Sunday mornings. I imagine that there are many in the congregation who are eager to see me back in the office and preaching, which will happen soon enough. I'm excited to do those things too.
I know that I've spent my time well in the past month, focused on this transition in our family and learning how to parent two children, instead of one. And I know that the congregation has been in excellent hands.
I believe strongly that paid family leave is a necessary part of professional ministry, allowing ministers to focus on their families immediately after a birth, adoption, death, or during a loved one's serious illness. The demands of ministry sometimes compete with family time, and too often ministers feel pressure to choose one or the other. Family leave not only supports ministers during challenging times, but also reminds congregations that being an active part of a family is an essential part of the minister's vocation too.
Frankly, I think we create unhealthy expectations throughout the church for ministers and other leaders. They have to show up in specific situations, regardless of time of day or how much else is on their plate. I think that is a human expectation, not God's expectation (as should be clear in the teaching of sabbath). No one can be everywhere and meet every expectation, and we shouldn't pretend that they can or that they should try. Instead, we need to model healthier ways to lead and participate in the church, which includes being honest about when some of our loved ones have valid demands on our time.
That said, leave can be a challenge in any small to medium-sized congregation, raising a host of financial and practical issues that need to be faced. If a congregation has previous experience with leaves, then the planning will not be challenging; in fact, the issue may even be covered as part of an employment agreement. If not, or if there has been a negative experience with leaves, it can become a thornier issue.
In my case, I broached the subject with our congregational board shortly after I was married. It was part of a larger conversation that also included planning for a sabbatical, which was part of my initial contract, but whose details needed to be defined. Given our good relationships and the trust that had been built through my first years of service, we arrived at plans for both paternity leave and sabbatical quickly and easily.
The discussion was helped by a denominational document encouraging congregations to offer up to three months of paid family leave. This provided a supporting document to show that congregations and church ministries were offering leave to both mothers and fathers, beyond the anecdotal examples I could provide.
In my congregation, the shortest part of the discussion was the length of the leave -- my initial proposal was quickly accepted. Mostly, we focused on identifying key parts of my ministry that would be covered by others during my leave and planned on how they would be covered. And we discussed my family's needs and the boundaries we would observe during the leave.
Some of this is touchy. How do you tell people you love that you don't want to hear from them or see them during an exciting time in your life? On the other hand, how can you have a break if there are lots of phone calls, emails, and text messages to return? In our case, we simply said that communication between the congregation and me would be via the elder co-chairs or board chair. I would share the important events in our life, and I would hear any important congregational news too. (This time, that included an emergency surgery and two deaths.)
In the age of Facebook, the boundaries aren't that firm anyway. I still occasionally posted updates, including pictures, and I sometimes saw church members statuses. I prayed for the congregation as a whole and for the needs I knew; I'm sure that the congregation prayed for me and for my family. And we even attended a worship service one Sunday morning.
Otherwise, I have trusted our elders, our officers, our other leaders, and the retired minister who is leading worship on Sunday mornings. I imagine that there are many in the congregation who are eager to see me back in the office and preaching, which will happen soon enough. I'm excited to do those things too.
I know that I've spent my time well in the past month, focused on this transition in our family and learning how to parent two children, instead of one. And I know that the congregation has been in excellent hands.
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