Sunday is Mother's Day. For many, it is a day of celebration with family dinners, cards, and gifts. It has become a wonderful time to show appreciation.
For some, though, it is a day of sadness full of painful reminders. Some grieve what they have lost: mothers who have passed away or the deaths of children. Some grieve what they never had the chance to experience: perhaps any healthy relationship with their own mothers or the chance to become a mother themselves.
What should pastors and worship leaders do on Mother's Day to honor people who have strong and diverging emotions? How can we best lead the people who gather in worship?
Some congregations will have large celebrations this Sunday. Maybe they'll have a breakfast or brunch. Flowers will be passed out. Mothers will be acknowledged and praised during the worship service. The pastor may preach a sermon focused on motherhood as a gift or vocation of God.
Some congregations will virtually avoid any mention of the subject, hoping not to inflict additional harm on those who grieve and struggle.
There will be attempts to celebrate in ways that limit objections. Some denominations use this weekend as a way to celebrate "the Christian household," attempting to move away from gender stereotypes and perhaps understanding that families take many shapes these days. Others will honor all women as mothers of faith who nurture people around them (which is both true and barely acknowledges the emotional scars of those who wanted, but never had, children of their own).
On a certain level, there is no perfect approach. Ignoring the weekend seems foolhardy because there's plenty of cultural awareness and advertising; plus, it misses an opportunity for the church to offer a more theologically substantial appreciation of motherhood beyond cooking and cleaning. An all-in celebration can suggest that the church just doesn't care about how hard this day can be for many.
Over the years, I've tried different things as a pastor. Some years I offer an explicit Mother's Day sermon; some years I don't. Sometimes we have special tributes, reminiscences, poems or songs; sometimes we don't. I'm happy that in my current congregation, we have moved away from giving things to women in worship on Mother's Day (and to men on Father's Day) in favor of making gifts in the community in honor of women (and then men) in the church.
This year, I plan to include an explicit section in the pastoral prayer that includes appreciation/celebration and loss/lament. In this way, I hope to speak to and for the breadth of community, imagining a variety of attitudes toward Mother's Day -- perhaps even conflicting ones.
Honestly, I think that pastors should be more aware of this diversity of opinions in our congregation. It isn't just Mother's Day or Father's Day. And differences of opinion shouldn't just be imagined around Election Day either. People in church tend to presume more unanimity than really exists. And, often, people are too polite, or too raw, to say differently when we speak out of these presumptions in ways that exclude them.
I wish I was perfect at welcoming people into worship. Then I would know the exact approach to use. Given that I am not -- and other pastors like me are not -- I just trust that the apostle James is correct. "Love covers a multitude of sins." I hope that I lead worship with enough love this Sunday to move beyond the mistakes I will make.
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