Understanding the Meaning of Repentance

repent - 1. to feel sorry for (an error, sin, etc.) 2. to feel such regret over (an action, intention, etc.) as to change one's mindWebster's New World Dictionary

The Modern Desk Edition of Webster's New World Dictionary sits on my desk, next to hymnals and other worship resources.  My name is written on the inside cover in my mother's neat handwriting.

I think one of my elementary school teachers required each student to have a dictionary, and this was the one my parents found for me.  It's been on or in my desk ever since, and I've used it quite a bit over the years, as evidenced by the well-worn cover.

Preparing for Lent this year, I pulled it out again to check the proper spelling of repentance.  In doing so, I discovered the definition written above.

At first glance, it seemed like a straightforward definition of both the common religious and secular uses of the word repent.  However, something about it nags at me.

Perhaps it is the initial definition presented -- to feel sorry.  Repentance seems much more demanding than that to me.

Imagine that you're running late, and you find yourself paying more attention to the clock on your dash than the speedometer.  And then you see flashing lights behind you.

Along with that dreadful sinking feeling in your stomach, I'm sure that you are preparing to express how sorry you are to the officer.  Are you sorry you were speeding?  Are you sorry you were late?  Are you sorry you got caught?

Is it true repentance if you apologize to the officer and convince her to give you a warning instead of an expensive ticket?  Will that be enough to keep you from ever speeding again?

Probably not.

Certainly, it can be hard to admit mistakes, and some mistakes are harder to recognize than others.

Repentance moves us from regret to action.  Rather than just feeling sorry for something we said or did (or sometimes didn't say or didn't do), we recognize that we need to change.  We need to stop being that kind of person.

When we repent, we don't just change our minds.  ("I used to think that behavior was good, but now I realize it is bad.")  We change how we live.

Often this repentance isn't simply a matter of stopping some negative action.  It means that we offer attitudes and behavior that seek to positively counteract our past mistakes.

Some people are highly critical of other people, even to their faces.  While criticism can sometimes be constructive and necessary, these critics go far beyond.  They may ridicule someone else's ideas, joke about their appearance, or question their motivations.

Is it repentance for them to realize, after the fact, that they shouldn't have said that about somebody or to somebody?  Probably not.

Is it repentance if they start holding their tongue more?  This certainly is a good start at a better way of life.  It certainly would require a good deal of change.

However, I imagine that repentance would go further.  The now-former critic would seek to offer something positive in a world where there is still a lot of unfair criticism.

Perhaps this person would reach out to people when they are the subjects of undeserved ridicule or negative comments.  Perhaps they would find a way to confront the critic directly and suggest they were off-base.  Perhaps the person could look for opportunities to offer encouragement.

In short, the one who repents could seek to be an antidote to the very problem he or she used to cause.

I think that this is the type of repentance that God wants to see in our lives.  It's change that will not happen overnight, but must be haltingly and clumsily lived into.

This type of change requires that we truly admit the harm of what we have done to others and ourselves.  Then we must recondition ourselves not to cause such harm.  Then we must look for positive ways to share love and hope in the world when others still cause such harm.

This type of repentance takes space for reflection.  It takes patience, because our first instincts -- even our instincts in God's direction -- are almost always incomplete.  It takes persistence because we almost never will achieve such change in one try.  And it takes God's love, to remind us that we were lovable when we made such mistakes and we are lovable as we change.

Sometimes, we will look to our memories of what our parents and others gave us.  Sometimes we will crack open an old book, though probably not a dictionary, to guide us in this process.

Often, the beginnings of the changes we need to make are visible in our past experiences.  Sometimes, we just need to wrestle with the meaning of those experiences to be ready and able to repent.